Who’s Fault Is It Anyway? Director’s behind headline, plus the DEI-iest boards in the US

Live from the Blackrock Investor Stewardship Infinity Pool, it’s an all-new terrific Tuesday edition of Business Pants. Joined by Analyst-Hole Matt Moscardi! In today’s independent lead director-scented compensation package called July 30, 2024: Our Brand Spanking New Woke ESG Game called Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

Our show today is being sponsored by Free Float Analytics, the only platform measuring board power, connections, and performance for FREE. If you are curious if your directors actually generate shareholder returns and how big the gender power gap is, go to freefloatanalytics.com and sign up.

DAMION1​​ 

Blame Game

1. Air New Zealand is the first major carrier to back down from its climate goals

1. Chair Therese Walsh: 30% influence; Chair of the Chapter Zero NZ steering group,Director of Antarctica New Zealand. and former director of Natural Gas company Contact Energy

2. CEO Greg Foran not on board

2. Tesla faces fresh headache as it recalls 1.8 million vehicles over hood problems

1. Duh: Elon

3. Analyst had to intervene to keep Tesla's Full Self-Driving mode from crashing

1. Duh: Kimbal, the brotherly embodiment of a car crash

4. Burger King temporarily closed a restaurant in New York after a woman said her 4-year-old's meal was smeared with blood

1. Restaurant Brands Exec Chair J. Patrick Doyle (23%): former CEO of Domino’s Pizza, need I say more? It was probably smeared with thin marinara sauce

2. Also former director at Best Buy, which sells far too many violent video games

3. Board worst .374 in earnings (board average is .782)

5. Mark Zuckerberg really wants you to know he's a chain guy now

1. You’d think it would be founder, chair, CEO Zuck but I’m going with chief chain enabler Andrew Houston: Zuck’s buddy and fellow nerd (former Dropbox CEO) who convinced him wearing chains would make him look approximately 123.4785 days younger

6. McDonald's has started selling an even bigger burger — the 14-ounce Big Arch

1. Miles White. It’s always Miles White. 14% influence; longest serving director (2009). Was overheard saying “staying in shape is just a bunch of new age woke DEI nonsense.” Plus, his career in pharmaceuticals means he sees obesity through the lens of dollar-signed scented, pill-shaped glasses

7. BP to hand investors $7bn this year as it expands oil operations

1. Tushar Morzaria (12%): former Barclays CFO; director of UK financial services company Legal & General: he has a bumper sticker on his Rolls ROyce that reads quite simply: “shareholders, not stakeholder and my other car is a dividend” 

8. Krispy Kreme getting into the Olympic spirit with $1 doughnuts

1. David Deno (4%, 2016): this guy is all about gaining weight quickly: CEO at Bloomin' Brands (Outback Steakhouse, etc.), former exec at obesity machines Pepsi and YUM! Brands. Also, zero board leadership roles at Krispy Kreme. He’s lazy too. 

MATT1

• Wells Fargo must face lawsuit over sham job interviews

• Sue Wayne Hewitt instead! Here are some sham interviews - he’s the nom chair who’s job interviews consist of “hey, you know my friend Jimmy, right?” - 16!! Different connections to current or past board members!  It’s cool to have friends!

• Japan snack giant Calbee looks to bring AI to potato chips

• Don’t worry, when this fails, you can blame the entire board - Computer/Engineering skills on the board amount to… less than 1% of influence because Yoshihiko Miyauchi saw a computer once (he’s known as “Mr Deregulation” in Japan)

• Carrier is targeting net-zero emissions by 2050

• As approved by David Gitlin, CEO with 27% board influence (also Boeing board member, so definitely a guarantee they hit their target?) - but board is (surprisingly) strong on carbon!  An actual target??

• A former PepsiCo exec sued the company for saying that he didn't invent Flamin' Hot Cheetos while working as a janitor

• Only living board members who stole your hot cheetos idea in 1991?  Roy Vagelos (chair of Regeneron, retired June 2023) and Sharon Rockefeller! 

• Delta seeks outage damages from CrowdStrike and Microsoft, CNBC reports

• Should read Vasant Prabhu, Delta board member and ex CFO of Visa (retired in 2023) sues friends Charlie Scharf and Teri List who are on both Visa and Microsoft boards - how fast does this settle when board members are BFFs?

• CenterPoint CEO rejects calls for his resignation at Senate hearing - Houston Public Media

• WHO THEY SHOULD BE ASKING: Governance chair Wendy Cloonan (9% influence) and independent chair Phil Smith (2014, 11% influence) - why do you ask the employee of investors to resign?  Just ask the board to fire him, or ask investors - Capital International owns 13.5%, Vanguard owns 12.11%, Blackrock owns 7.9%, State Street owns 5.25% for a total of 38.8% of the fucking company!  FIRE THE FOOLS!

• Merit, Excellence and Intelligence: An Anti-DEI Approach Catches On

• The WSJ article neglects to mention that Keith Murdoch, otherwise known as Rupert, owns controlling shares, and his Meritocracy is currently choosing his son Lachlan to run the company and cutting out his other kids because they’re woker

• Lachlan’s MEI hiring included going as an 18 year old with daddy to train at a newspaper, then RUNNING a newspaper at age 22, then at the tender age of 26 become a director at News Corp, now has 75% influence over Fox Corp as CEO and chair

• And so we’re clear that MEI is the best way, Keith Rupert inherited HIS empire from HIS daddy SIR Keith Murdoch

• So which company boards have the most to fear from MEI versus DEI?? Segue alert!

DEI-iest Board List

• Boards with the most women of color by bodycount AND power - Kamala boards!

4. Raymond James Financial

• 18% asian/black/hispanic/middle eastern women, 15% aggregate influence

• Anne Gates is the DEIiest - black woman, bats .639 overall, but ignore that since she’s got 11% influence

3. First Republic Bank

• 25% asian/black/hispanic/middle eastern women, 14% aggregate influence

• Sandra Hernandez is DEIiest - hispanic woman, bats .601 overall, but ignore that since she has 8% influence

2. Trane Technologies

• 17% asian/black/hispanic/middle eastern women, 19% aggregate influence

• April Miller Boise - who I’ve met! - is DEIiest!  Ignore the fact that she’s smart as fuck, she has 8% influence

1. Zions Bancorp

• 27% asian/black/hispanic/middle eastern women, 16% aggregate influence

• Vivian Lee is DEIiest - ignore the .580 batting average, she’s got 7% influence

Financial sector is definitely the DEIiest - I guess economics and money ARE a lady’s game??