FRIDAY WRAP: Telegram’s Durov arrested, Starbuck’s new remote worker, DEI coward data, Musk threatens a judge

Introduction

LIVE from your ESG barbecue pit, it’s a Business Pants Friday Show here at August 30th Studios, featuring all your favorites: Ari the data queen and AnalystHole Matt Moscardi. On today’s weekly wrap up: super evil Tech CEO bro villains (not named Musk or Altman), Australia legalizes aloofness, Ford and Lowe’s polish their MAGA shields, and the business news renames LeBron James as ‘Los Angeles Laker basketball player’

Today’s show is brought to you by freefloatanalytics.com - everything you ever wanted to know about who runs public companies, all free.

Story of the Week (DR):

1. Telegram CEO [Pavel Durov] charged with numerous crimes and is banned from leaving France AB DR

1. In nutshell:

1. The charges held against Telegram’s CEO by French investigative judges allege that Pavel Durov has failed to prevent illicit activity on the app.

2. The charges against him include his complicity in enabling criminal activity such as drug trafficking, illegal transactions, fraud, sharing child sexual abuse material, and the refusal to cooperate with law enforcement.

2. The defense: “It is absurd to claim that a platform or its owner are responsible for abuse of that platform”

3. Telegram CEO Pavel Durov was indicted in France today and ordered to post bail of 5 million euros. The multi-billionaire was forbidden from leaving the country and must report to police twice a week while the case continues.

4. Charges were detailed in a statement issued today by Paris prosecutor Laure Beccuau, which was provided to Ars. They are nearly identical to the possible charges released by Beccuau on Monday.

5. The first charge listed is complicity in "web-mastering an online platform in order to enable an illegal transaction in organized group." Today's press release said this charge carries a maximum penalty of 10 years in prison and a 500,000-euro fine.

1. Complicity in the administration of an online platform to enable an illicit transaction, by an organized gang (offence carrying a maximum penalty of 10 years of imprisonment and a fine of €500,000)

2. Refusal to communicate, at the request of the authorized authorities, the information or documents necessary for carrying out and exploiting interceptions authorized by law

3. Complicity in offenses in particular making available without legitimate reason a program or data designed to undermine an automated data processing system, organized gang dissemination of images of minors of a child pornography nature, drug trafficking, organized gang fraud, criminal conspiracy with a view to committing crimes or offenses

4. Laundering of crimes or offenses by an organized gang

5. Provision of services cryptology aimed at ensuring confidentiality functions without proper declaration

6. Supply and importation of a means of cryptology not exclusively ensuring authentication or integrity control functions without prior declaration

2. A week ago, Starbucks’ new CEO was a ‘messiah’…and then everyone found out about his 1,000-mile private-jet supercommute MM

1. Offer letter: laxman letter proxy

1. “it is my pleasure to offer you the position of Chairman and Chief Executive Officer (“CEO”) of Starbucks Corporation, effective upon your start date, which is expected to be September 9, 2024”

1. “My” = Mellody Hobson, current Independent Starbucks Board of Directors chair

2. Niccol, who is leaving  Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc., will become CEO and chairman the moment he joins Starbucks on Sept. 9. By contrast, Laxman Narasimhan spent more than five months as the CEO-in-training under company patriarch Howard Schultz and he never took on the board chairman position. Only after an intense period of shadowing Schultz did he gain the ability to set the company’s strategy. 

2. “During your employment with the Company, you will not be required to relocate to the Company’s headquarters (currently in Seattle, Washington). You agree to commute from your residence to the Company’s headquarters (and engage in other business travel) as is required to perform your duties and responsibilities.”

1. “From the Start Date until such time as you secure permanent secondary housing arrangements in Seattle, Washington (up to three months following the Start Date), the Company will pay directly, or reimburse you for, the costs of your reasonable temporary housing arrangements in Seattle, Washington and a driver to transport you as necessary while you are in Seattle, Washington.”

2. “Promptly following the Start Date, the Company will establish, with your assistance, a small remote office in Newport Beach, California. The Company will employ an assistant of your choosing for such office, subject to the reasonable consent of the Company. This office location will be maintained at the expense of the Company.”

3. Pay

1. Base salary

1. Your base salary will be one-million-six-hundred-thousand-dollars ($1,600,000) 

2. Laxman was $1.3M

3. Your base salary will be reviewed annually in accordance with the Company’s policy for the review of the compensation of senior officers and may be increased in the discretion of the Board from time to time.

1. Your base salary may not be decreased without your express written consent, unless the decrease is pursuant to (and consistent in percentage reduction with) a general compensation reduction applicable to all, or substantially all, executive officers of the Company (provided, that, the “substantially all” requirement will only be satisfied if such general compensation reduction applies to all of the Company’s other named executive officers

2. Annual bonus

1. You will be eligible for an annual cash bonus opportunity, with a target of 225% of your base salary (the “Target Incentive”) and a maximum of 450% of your base salary

1. Laxman 200%/400%

2. 40% revenue/60% operating income

1. 2023: 30% revenue/40% operating income/15%ESG 15% individual performance

3. Equity bonus

1. $23M target

1. laxman $13.6M 2023

4. Signing bonus

1. $10M cash

2. $75M equity (can be as high as $80M)

3. Laxman: $1.6 million sign-on bonus plus $7.2 million in stock awards.

5. Perks

1. You will be eligible to use the Company aircraft for (i) business-related travel in accordance with the Company’s travel policy, (ii) travel between your city of residence and the Company’s headquarters in Seattle, Washington and (iii) your personal travel in accordance with the Company’s policies, up to a maximum amount of $250,000 per year, which amount will be based on the aggregate incremental cost to the Company.

3. Peloton’s former billionaire CEO [John Foley] says he’s lost all his money and had to sell his possessions

4. Former YouTube CEO and Longtime Google Executive Susan Wojcicki Has Died at 56

Goodliest of the Week (MM, pretending to be AB):

1. New law gives Australians the right to ignore their bosses' emails after hours MM 

1. Ari now actually HAS a boss!

2. Apple Store Workers Get First U.S. Contract DR AB

1. Workers at the first unionized Apple Store in the country ratified a labor contract on Tuesday

2. It had been 2 years since they voted to join the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers in June 2022

3. US national parks are receiving record-high gift of $100M

1. Largest gift in history, from Lilly Endowment Inc

2. Restore coral reefs

4. Florida Removes L.G.B.T.Q. Travel Advice From Official Website

1. Sparing gays from discrimination by not giving them travel advice!

5. Have Swiss scientists made a chocolate breakthrough?

Assholiest of the Week (MM):

1. Data: AB DR

1. 6 companies

2. 68 directors

3. 1 director sits on boards of 2 of the 6

4. 100% cowardice

5. Headlines: Ford the latest to pull DEI U-turn in face of anti-woke Starbuck, Lowe’s changes DEI policies amid activist pressure

6. Assholes: board DEI cowards

1. DOUBLE DEI coward - John May - CEO of Deere, on the board of Ford

7. Call to action - VOTE THESE FUCKERS OUT - we have posted the flags on our website

1. They made commitments to people they immediately pulled out of at the first sign of a grumpy white twitter troll, or expect these companies next:

1. Look for… retail sales in mostly rural areas with large white male populations and high profile brands that project some sort of weird cowboy masculinity MIXED WITH directors/executives who are on the boards of DEI cowards or are close buds with DEI cowards and you get…

1. Caterpillar

1. 2 directors with connections back to the DEI cowards, targeted by National Public Policy Center already for DEI, makes big man toys that get sold out of the midwest to farmers

2. Corteva

1. They sell seeds and fertilizer to the same farmers that buy Deere tractors and Caterpillar dirt movers - and they have 5 (!) connections back to the DEI cowards and has TWO DEI cowards on their board - Mike Johanns and Greg Page who also BOTH sit on the Deere board

3. Levi’s

1. ALREADY HAPPENING! Ex-Levi's exec says 'woke' Harley-Davidson CEO failed 'Business 101' by allowing 'elitist jerks' to rule - New York Post

2. Troy Alstead sits on the Harley Davidson board AND THE LEVI’S BOARD - how long until that guy, with 8% influence, starts telling Levi’s the kill their diversity policy, remove DEI targets from exec pay, and maybe stop having so many employee groups that don’t allow white men in…

2. Data

1. 1.96% ownership autocracy

2. Asshole: Jorgen Knudstorp and the autocracy loving board at Starbucks

1. Nom committee that chose Laxmin: Richard Allison (ex Dominos, board since 2019), Satya Nadella (MSFT CEO, board since 2017 left this year), Jorgen Knudstorp (LEGO, chair of committee, board since 2017) 

2. Nom committee that hires Niccol and relieves Hobson of board seat: Wei Zhang (Alibaba, board since 2023 post Laxmin), Neal Mohan (YouTube, board since 2024 post Laxmin), and Jorgen

3. Here’s what we said in our Proxy Countdown for this year’s AGM:

1. Board loves an autocracy:

1. Lego (Krisiansen family), Estee Lauder (family), Google (Sergey/Larry), T-Mobile (German government), Alibaba (Jack Ma), Stitchfix, 23andMe (dual class)  - having worked in autocracies makes it easier to defer to an autocrat (Schulz)

4. Meanwhile, this headline is fake: Chipotle Speeds Up CFO Transition After CEO Leaves for Starbucks

1. He didn’t “leave” - he’s still there, commuting 1,000 miles on a private jet sometimes

3. Data

1. 62 connections between directors in the past 10 years

1. NO DISSENT

2. Primary knowledge by influence: 23% computers, 22% econ

1. >1% production, 1% mechanical

3. Headline: Intel board member quit after differences over chipmaker's revival plan

4. Asshole: Anyone not using this data

1. Tan had 7.5% influence on a board where 48% of influence was held by the CEO and three directors who were most connected on the board, including a doctor and a VC

2. So when “The board expanded Tan’s responsibilities in October 2023, authorizing him to oversee manufacturing operations” - no one was likely to listen hard

3. Tan grew frustrated by the company’s large workforce, its approach to contract manufacturing and Intel’s risk-averse and bureaucratic culture

4. Tan’s exit leaves a vacuum of chip-industry technical and business acumen on the board, which is populated by leaders in academia and finance, and former senior executives from the medical, tech and aerospace industries, say investors and semiconductor industry insiders

Exhausting-est of the Week (DR, pretending to be JS):

1. An anti-remote work Australian mining CEO wants workers to stop stepping out for coffee: ‘I want to hold them captive all day long’

1. Who?

1. Mineral Resources CEO Chris Ellison

2. Super Micro Is Hindenburg’s Latest Target. What History Says About the Outlook for the Stock: Earlier this week, the short seller Hindenburg Research published a report on the server maker alleging it found “glaring accounting red flags.”

1. Who?

1. Husband and wife Charles Liang (45%) and Sara Liu (39%) founded server and storage maker Super Micro Computer in 1993

2. Third highest is Yih-Shyan (Wally) Liaw (7%), who co-founded Super Micro and held various executive positions

3. Zuckerberg says the Biden administration ‘pressured’ Facebook to censor some COVID-19 content during the pandemic MM

1. Zuckerberg alleges that the officials, including those from the White House, “repeatedly pressured” Facebook for months to take down “certain COVID-19 content including humor and satire.”

2. In response, the White House said in a statement that, “When confronted with a deadly pandemic, this Administration encouraged responsible actions to protect public health and safety. Our position has been clear and consistent: we believe tech companies and other private actors should take into account the effects their actions have on the American people, while making independent choices about the information they present.”

4. Elon Musk threatens a top Brazil judge who moved to block X in the country AB DR

1. Elon Musk threatened a top judge in Brazil after the country’s highest court said it could block his social media website, X, if it didn’t appoint a local legal representative by Thursday night.

2. Musk responded to the top court’s ultimatum with a[n] seemingly AI-generated image of a supreme court justice who has been spearheading efforts in Brazil to crack down on hate speech and misinformation. The image, which showed the justice, Alexandre de Moraes, behind bars, was accompanied by a threatening message that tagged him.

3. “One day, @Alexandre, this picture of you in prison will be real. Mark my words,” Musk wrote in the post.

4. Meanwhile:

1. Cybertruck Catches Fire After Running Into Fire Hydrant and Getting Wet

2. Tesla's Full Self-Driving Still Doesn't Even Work in a Single Lane Tunnel

1. Tesla Quietly Deletes Claim That Old Teslas Will Be Capable of Self-Driving

3. Tesla Drivers Say New Self-Driving Update Is Repeatedly Running Red Lights

4. Elon Musk’s Twitter deal may be the worst leveraged buyout deal for banks since Lehman, raising risks to Tesla

5. BMW overtakes Tesla as it leads the EV market in Europe for the first time ever

6. Tesla investor Ross Gerber says he's been dumping the stock because no one wants the company's cars or robots

Headliniest of the Week

1. DR: ‘I fell off a horse, got divorced, came out and left my job’: Inside an ESG exec’s whirlwind year

1. B-side: Soaring sausage sales could indicate economic turmoil as consumers turn away from costlier meats

2. MM: ‘I fell off a horse, got divorced, came out and left my job’: Inside an ESG exec’s whirlwind year

1. B-Side: Foxtel CEO Patrick Delany Apologizes For Nazi Salute Photo

3. AB: Turns out Martin Shkreli copied his $2M Wu-Tang album—and sent it to “50 different chicks”

Who Won the Week?

1. DR: France, for  arresting a 4-passport owning social media billionaire creep, while hosting the Paralympics

2. AB: PUBLIC PARKS IN FLORIDA. DeSantis was working on a plan to develop public parks into golf courses, hotels, etc.. that is until The Tampa Bay Times broke the story and the backlash started

3. MM: Cybertruck owners - Tesla is giving up on enforcing its $50,000 penalty against Cybertruck owners who sell their trucks - get those shitty cars on the market boys!  While you’re at it, feel free to sell your Tesla! Tesla's Full Self-Driving Still Doesn't Even Work in a Single Lane Tunnel

Predictions

1. DR: Howard Schulz is officially…. Retired?

2. AB: 

3. MM: Levi’s takes a stand FOR DEI because women buy it and it’s not fertilizer