WOKE NUGGETS: Uber populist math, AI Abe Lincoln and Jesus, trips to Venus, steering at Tesla, and the war on woke nobody asked for

LIVE from the Committee to Beatup BlackRock and ISS until they run home crying to mommy, it’s the podcast that puts the extra silly gas into ESG, featuring A-Hole maestro Matt Moscardi and me. In today’s ESG-approved woke data energy drink called August 2, 2023: probably not funny biz nuggets!

Our show today is being sponsored by ESGauge, your ESG data solutions provider.

Paul will be stopping by later to talk about director perks. 

DAMION1

1. In our 'Hey Ma, my Populist Math 101 professor told me that since Uber CEO Dara made 316 times Uber's median employee last year that $51.69 for a 2.9 mile Uber ride is like 16 cents for the CEO, Tell dad! Hey Ma, one more question, would the equivalent be a $52 one way flight from DC to Tampa because 316 times 2.9 miles is about 900 miles? In which case, maybe this is a good deal? I'm confused and am probably going to fail Populist Math 101, don't tell dad!' headline of the week. Uber CEO balks after a reporter tells him the cost of his 2.9-mile Uber ride: 'Oh my God. Wow.'*************** 

1. In our 'according to a company spokesperson: Disney's Compensation Committee Chair, Donald Duck, whose father Quackmore Duck served for over 15 years as Disney's Audit Committee Chair, was appointed to the position despite the fact that Donald's mother, Hortense McDuck, had an MBA from Wharton and a PhD in economics from UPenn' headline of the week. DeSantis’ Disney World Special District Drops DEI Programs*************** 

1. In our '1) passengers who swear a lot; 2) passengers who talk about his 316:1 CEO pay ratio; 3) passengers that don't tip despite impeccable service; 4) passengers who discuss the fact that he was the only executive officer to receive an options award despite being the CEO when the stock price was deflated meaning that he is being rewarded for creating his own failure; 5) passengers that reek like alcohol; 6) passengers who discuss how, according to Free Float Analytics, he is batting .277 overall, including a woefully low Earnings batting average of .089; and finally 7) passengers who talk on their cell phones the entire time about the fact that all of Uber's board leadership positions are held by white men who were former CEOs at S&P 500 companies' headline of the week. Uber CEO reveals the passenger behaviors that irked him when he became an undercover boss*************** 

1. In our 'AI Abe Lincoln Bot reportedly received a golden hello package of 500,000 shares with 0.01863 votes per share' headline of the week. Meta is reportedly bringing AI chatbots to Facebook, including an Abe Lincoln bot*************** 

1. "In our 'a spokesperson for Vivek Ramaswamy and Strive Asset Management said they didn't know which was worse: fighting a fake war based on fake ESG Communist data or the alarming potential that the umbrella might be rainbow-colored' headline of the week. Giant Umbrella Tied to Asteroid Can Help Fight Climate Change*************** 

1. In our 'Following ESG firm Sustainalytics announcement of a cow risk rating, anti-woke firm 2nd Vote announced an all bovine food index it says will "cure the woke masses of their Hindu obsessions with cows"' headline of the week. Upset Hindus seek apology from Baskin-Robbins for non-disclosure ... - Gilmer Mirror

1. In our 'In fairness, she did ask for a "professional" headshot, so in Florida this would count' headline of the week. An Asian MIT student asked AI to turn an image of her into a professional headshot. It made her white, with lighter skin and blue eyes.

1. In our 'This time, we'll use an ENTIRE Super Nintendo for parts, not just the controller' headline of the week. The co-founder of OceanGate, the firm whose CEO died on a deep-sea dive for the Titanic, now wants to send 1,000 people to Venus

1. In our 'OK, so it looks like we've added the intestinal distress, seasickness, and toe fungus along with an extra bag and a bathroom available to you during your stay.  That'll be an extra $347 for the extras.' headline of the week. Cruises are increasingly adopting the strategy of budget airlines: Get ready to pay more for all the extras.

1. "In our 'Watson was fined $5million after receiving $230 million in guaranteed pay; last week Dan Snyder sold his team for $6.2 billion and was fined $60 million after, among other things, sexually harassing team employees... so what's the joke here... um... hmmm... let me think... that the NFL cares more about women today? is that even funny?' headline of the week. NFL expands sexual assault policy, penalties in wake of Deshaun Watson’s suspension*************** 

1. In our 'His expertise includes 1) the ability to hit a small ball really far; 2) an infamous infidelity scandal; 3) an infamous arrest for driving under the influence; 4) handing his competitor a tampon on national TV after a hitting a small ball further than him; and 5) getting drunk and breaking into the house of an unknown woman and sleeping in her bed... oh wait that last one is Tyson Foods CFO John R. Tyson ' headline of the week. Tiger Woods joins PGA Tour board as Saudi deal talks continue*************** 

1. In our 'Just like Yum! Brands' female power board gap of 9%, you ain't getting what you think you're getting at Taco Bell! Hey-ooooo!' headline of the week. Taco Bell Sued For False Advertising Of Amount Of Filling In Crunchwraps, Mexican Pizzas*************** 

1. In our 'ESG. ESG. ESG. ESG. ESG. ESG. ESG. ESG. ESG. Now it's 84%' headline of the week. ESG mentions down 85% in company filings across tech industry*************** 

1. In our 'The greatest Glass Cliff CEO statement ever? CEO Stephanie Tully took over less than a year ago' headline of the week. Jetstar CEO Stephanie Tully apologises 'to everyone we've let down over our 20-year history' as she issues plea to Aussies

1. In our 'Sundar Pichai, CEO of Alphabet, recently said, quote, "wind-powered emissions free cargo technology is one of the most important things humanity is working on.  It's more profound than electricity or fire."' headline of the week. The return of cargo-carrying sail ships

1. In our 'Yeah, but the 19% were fine, right? ' headline of the week. Study: Climate change boosted July's heat for 81% of world's population

1. In our 'You ESG snowflakes want, like, EVERYTHING to work... next you'll be asking about "wheels" and "motors" and "doors".  ' headline of the week. Steering failures are Tesla’s new federal safety worry

1. In our 'WHAAAA?  Wait, they know that "woke" is a euphemism for "gay" and "black" and "hippy" and "communist" and "woman" and "intellectual" and "liberal" and "northerner" and "Brit" and "gypsy" and "visigoth" and "satan" and "COVID" and "China", right?? ' headline of the week. Ron DeSantis' newest problem: The majority of likely Republican primary voters don't want a candidate devoted to fighting 'woke'