Nikola investors lose, climate targets accelerate, oil execs buy Teslas, and ISS can’t find ANYTHING WRONG at BP

Story of the Week (DR):

1. That $20 burrito you order from DoorDash could now cost you $70

1. Last week, the delivery platform Doordash and the soon-to-IPO payment company Klarna announced a partnership through which customers will be able to buy now, pay later on food orders. People will have the option to pay right away, like normal, using Klarna, but they'll also be able to split the cost into four installment payments for purchases above $35 or, eventually, push the payment to a later date.

2. Walmart heiress worth $17.8 billion quietly enters political discourse with New York Times ad declaring ‘the dignity of our country is not for sale’

1. the fiscal 2024 annual total compensation of our median associate was $27,642: CEO Pay Ratio of 976:1, even after excluding approximately 5% of total associate population or approximately 100,202 associates outside of the U.S.

2. Walton family controls 46% of vote and 63% of board, including board chair Greg Penner, son-in-law of retiring director Rob Walton and the cousin of director Steuart Walton 

3. White House says Elon Musk is helping them figure out how a reporter was added to a secret Signal group chat: Speaking of “Nikola-based” frauds: Nikola founder Trevor Milton says Trump pardoned him in securities fraud case MM

1. Milton was convicted in October 2022 of crimes related to defrauding investors with misrepresentations about the success of the electric- and hydrogen-powered truck maker.

2. The pardon came two weeks after federal prosecutors urged District Court Judge Edgardo Ramos to order Milton to pay restitution of $680 million to Nikola shareholders, and another $15.2 million to Peter Hicks, a victim of his wire fraud. Because of the pardon, Ramos could not order restitution of any kind.

3. “Oh my gosh, oh, you won’t believe what just happened,” Milton said in an Instagram video. “Probably the best day I’ve had in five years ... I just got a call from the president of the United States, on my phone, and he signed my full and unconditional pardon of innocence,” said Milton, who appeared to be driving a vehicle in the video. “I am free. The prosecutors can no longer hurt me,” he said. “They can’t destroy my family, they can’t rip everything away from me, they can’t ruin my life.”

4. “This pardon is not just about me — it’s about every American who has been railroaded by the government, and unfortunately, that’s a lot of people.” Milton also claimed that there are “striking similarities” between his case “and those brought against President Trump.”

5. Milton made significant political donations to Republicans in late 2024, including $920,000 to the Trump 47 Committee, which was first reported by New York Times reporter Ken Bensinger. Milton, who “never previously made political donations, donated $2 million to Republicans between September and December.”

6. In September 2020, allegations of sexual misconduct against Milton were reported by media outlets, including CNBC and The Wall Street Journal.

7. Pushing the truck down the hill was merely a symptom of the problem.He claimed technology was proprietary when it wasn't. He even went so far as to put tape over company's name so you wouldn't see who actually built parts. He also lied about producing hydrogen In-House at prices competitive with diesel.

8. Trevor has appointed his brother, Travis, as “Director of Hydrogen Production/Infrastructure” to oversee this critical part of the business. Travis’s prior experience looks to have largely consisted of pouring concrete driveways and doing subcontractor work on home renovations in Hawaii.

4. Proxy advisors ISS, Glass Lewis recommend re-election of BP leadership

1. Nobody? Despite all the short-term chaos and activist investors and stock down 10% since last year?

2. Not even accountant Tushar Morzaria?

1.  second worst average (.359) with board lowest TSR (.306)

2. Where board already has 37% with “Economics and Accounting” expertise, 4 times any other skill

5. American worker confidence just hit a record low and is even worse than it was during the darkest days of the pandemic

1. Overall worker confidence (which is scored on a scale from -100 to +100) dropped to +24 in February. For comparison, in April 2020, at the outset of the pandemic, confidence was at +29.

Goodliest of the Week (MM/DR):

1. DR: 84% of Companies Keeping or Accelerating Climate Targets: PwC

1. 47% of companies maintained their decarbonization targets in 2024, and 37% actually increased their ambitions, while only 16% pulled back on their climate goals.

2. DR: SK Group Appoints Female Chairs to Four Subsidiary Boards

1. SK hynix: former judge/Prof. Han Ae-ra of Sungkyunkwan University

2. SK Inc.: Kim Seon-hee, vice chairman and former CEO of Maeil Dairies

3. SK Biopharmaceuticals: Seo Ji-hee, a special professor at Ewha Womans University’s School of Business

4. SKC: Chae Eun-mi, former president of FedEx Korea

3. MM: This guy makes over $100,000 a month selling anti-Elon Musk stickers for Teslas MM DR

4. MM: Tesla Just Got Horrible New Sales Data From Europe

Assholiest of the Week (MM):

1. Ass Kissing Sycophants

1. Companies: 

1. New analyst forecast says X's advertising revenue is on the upswing, driven partly by 'fear'

2. States:

1. Corporate capital Delaware is changing its law in fight pitting corporate insiders vs. investors

3. Executives: 

1. US Oil & Gas Association president ready to buy a Tesla to show 'solidarity with the innovators and builders' DR

4. Regulators: 

1. Exclusive: Interim SEC chief cast sole vote against suing Musk

5. Boeing: 

1. Trump Says Boeing Will Build a New Fighter Jet to Celebrate His Presidency: the "F-47"

Headliniest of the Week

1. DR: ChatGPT might be making its most frequent users more lonely, study by OpenAI and MIT Media Lab suggests

2. DR: I'm a former Google exec who's manipulated people to get what I want. When done right, it's an essential career skill.

3. MM: The Ford Executive Who Kept Score of Colleagues’ Verbal Flubs

4. MM: NASA Deletes Comic Book About How Women Can Be Astronauts

1. Because THEY CAN’T BE.  Suck it women.

Who Won the Week?

1. DR: Mormon Milton

2. MM: Middle school boys cosplaying as adults

Predictions

1. DR: Trevor Milton is arrested again by 2030

2. MM: I get lunch and take a nap