MONDAY NUGGETS: Directors at Tesla used drugs too! Exxon keeps suing! Novo Nordisk’s surprise! AI gets an HR rep!

Live from a Danish spicy sausage farm, it’s yet another Manic Monday edition of Business Pants. Joined as always by Analyst-Hole Matt Moscardi! In today’s ‘which came first: MSG or ESG?’ bag of research-based snark called February 5, 2024: biz nuggets!

Our show today is being sponsored by Free Float Analytics, the only ESG data platform to measure real board influence and diversity power gaps

DAMION1

1. In our 'The other 98% goes to keep the protein bars at room temperature in Tech CEOs’ doomsday prepper underground panic mansions in Hawaii ' headline of the week. Over 2 percent of the US’s electricity generation now goes to bitcoin*************** 

2. In our 'Before we get to the next vote on net income goals for the 3rd quarter could you pass the low-fat cream cheese and the ketamine?' headline of the week. Elon Musk's company directors feel an 'expectation' to use drugs with him to avoid upsetting the billionaire*************** 

3. In our 'Hey Ma, dad was right, friends DO like to get high together!' headline of the week. Elon Musk took drugs with Tesla board members: Report***************

4. In our 'What do CEOs know about higher education? Everything, shut up!' headline of the week. Kenneth Frazier, Joseph Bae to Join Harvard Corporation Ahead of Presidential Search | News***************

1. KKR co-CEO Joseph Bae and former Merck CEO Ken Frazier to Join Harvard Corporation Ahead of Presidential Search

5. In our '5-year old reverses its pledge not to eat one more piece of Halloween candy' headline of the week. Bank of America Reverses Its Pledge Not to Finance Fossil Fuels*************** 

6. In our 'bully tells victim on playground: sorry, I checked the bylaws and I still have to punch you in the face even though you gave me your milk money' headline of the week. Exxon pursues lawsuit despite activist investor climb-down*************** 

MATT1

1. In our 'In today's self-defense class, we'll practice "cowering in fear" followed by the first techniques to "grovel and plead"' headline of the week. Exxon pursues lawsuit despite activist investor climb-down

2. In our 'The next 10K will list Dave Calhoun and the board as a "quality glitch"' headline of the week. Exclusive: New quality glitch to delay some Boeing 737 MAX deliveries

3. In our 'Speaking of a quality glitch' headline of the week. A Tesla driver used an Apple Vision Pro while cruising on Autopilot. He says he got arrested

4. In our 'The only answer is "taking a cruise"' headline of the week. I've been on nearly 30 cruises. Here are 16 big mistakes passengers make.

5. In our 'From now on, "women" will be referred to as "milk maids", and "milk maids" will be referred to as "udder pullers", and "udders" will be referred to as "cow boobs".  Everything else is woke.' headline of the week. West Virginia Bill would ban “woke words” such as “pregnant people” from government communications

DAMION2

1. In our 'Wait, fake apologizing to congress for exploiting children worked? you mean we got away with it? oh ok, yeah, send out the press release that we are firing a bunch of asshats due to our "commitment to profitable growth while running the business with greater efficiency"' headline of the week. Snap to cut 10% of global workforce*************** 

2. In our 'Drug CEO is also fake surprised men will buy pills that cure baldness and that teenagers will buy pills that cure acne' headline of the week. Novo Nordisk CEO says he was 'surprised' to see the popularity of weight-loss drugs in Europe*************** 

1. Lars Fruergaard Jørgensen: paragraph 3: not even the caption of his picture listed his name

3. In our 'White tech bro CEO that controls his company's shares and voting power admits that he likes when racists make him more money' headline of the week. Spotify signs reported $250M Joe Rogan deal two years after CEO denounced podcast host’s racist language but added, 'I do not believe that silencing Joe is the answer'*************** 

1. Daniel Ek: paragraph 8

4. In our 'Zuck already stood up and apologized so this is technically yesterday's news' headline of the week. As social media execs were getting grilled in Congress, YouTube spent hours hosting a grisly atrocity video. Then it spread to X*************** 

1. Google, which owns YouTube, this month laid off hundreds of employees working on its hardware, voice assistance and engineering teams. Last year, the company said it cut 12,000 workers “across Alphabet, product areas, functions, levels and regions,” without offering additional detail.

5. In our 'how about you promise not to tell us what to do and we swear-to-god-and-hope-to-die double-triple-quadruple-pinky-promise to fix all this made up climate change shit before we’re all dead' headline of the week. Exxon CFO says Biden’s halt on new natural gas exports ‘is a mistake’ and ‘harms the world achieving net zero sooner’*************** 

MATT2

1. In our 'WE NEED MORE!  GIVE US MORE MORE MORE!' headline of the week. Novo Buys Three Plants for $11 Billion to Boost Wegovy Output

2. In our 'Does AI need an HR rep?' headline of the week. Chief AI officer is tech's hottest new role — but finding workers with the right skills is tough

3. In our 'Does this count as abortion?' headline of the week. Foxconn sees 'slightly better' 2024, warns on AI chip shortage

4. In our 'Remember when we hadn't yet invested deeply in body dysmorphia and suicidal ideation?  I mean, can you believe it?  We've come so far!' headline of the week. Facebook turns 20! Nostalgic images reveal what Mark Zuckerberg's original website looked like it when it launched in 2004 - and how much it has changed since

In our 'So... just like the users?' headline of the week. Mark Zuckerberg's 'high-risk activities' risk 'serious injury and death,' Meta warns investors