FRIDAY WRAP: Crowdstrike’s dual class, Roaring Gen Z, DEI cutting board members, and Tesla’s coffee mug problem

Introduction

IT’S FRIDAYYYYY!!! And we are LIVE, and ALIVE. This is Ari the Data Queen, joined by AnalystHole Matt Moscardi, Jessie the Money Whisperer, and Hazelnut Rallis. On today’s weekly wrap up: 

Story of the Week (DR):

1. CrowdStrike Windows IT outage: CEO ‘deeply sorry’ for global chaos caused by Microsoft update and warns fix may take ‘some time’ to work CD MM

1. George Kurtz. Here’s what else he should be sorry for:

1. For controlling 20% of the company’s voting power not through actual share ownership but through a rigged system where your Class B Shares are worth ten votes per share

2. For being a co-founder AND a CEO and a director and 20% of voting power (64% influence)

3. For picking a board chair (Gerhard Watzinger) that served as an executive at McAfee while you were also an executive at McAfee. Has been chair since April 2012 alongside you since November 2011

1. 26% said NO to the Chair in 2024

4. For wasting another board seat on CrowdStrike’s former Chief Marketing Officer Johanna Flower

5. For having a classified board so that shareholders don’t even have an annual say

6. For having a non-binding vote on Executive Pay only every three years instead of annually, which means shareholders were not entitled to have a say over your combined pay of $184M in 2023 and 2022. Or for the half million in private jet benefits you got last year. But you might need that because commercial passengers hate you today.

2. Airlines, 911 lines, airports, hospital and surgeries, subway systems, broadcasters, stock exchanges, retail, fast food

3. Elon Musk is already blaming diversity initiatives for the massive global IT outage

2. Elon Musk says he'll pledge $45m a month to pro-Trump super PAC

1. Elon Musk’s potential $180 million donation to Trump—who hates EVs—is a stunning risk to Tesla AB

3. John Deere caves to conservative backlash, ends DEI efforts

1. John Deere releases statement rejecting DEI policies: 'Committed to our [white] customers'

4. Nearly half of Amazon warehouse workers get injured in the Prime Day rush

1. Amazon Prime Day is a ‘festival of consumption’— and it’s terrible for the environment

2. Amazon Prime Day delivery workers say they're planning to grab early-morning shifts and take toilet paper with them

Goodliest of the Week (AB):

1. Amazon Hits 100% Renewable Energy Goal MM AB

1. Amazon announced today that it has achieved its goal to power its global operations with 100% renewable energy, hitting the milestone in 2023, 7 years ahead of its initial target.

2. Since launching the goal, the company has committed billions of dollars to clean energy development, and has become the largest corporate purchaser of renewable energy globally for the past four years, according to Bloomberg NEF.

3. Amazon said that it will continue to invest heavily in renewable energy, in addition to exploring new carbon-free energy sources, such as nuclear, battery storage, and emerging technologies.

2. Michael Bloomberg Donates $1 Billion to Provide Free Tuition for Future Doctors at Johns Hopkins CD

1. Med school will be free if your family earns less than 300k. Money also for students in nursing school and public health

3. Pick Up Litter and Get Free Stuff in Copenhagen This Summer Through Eco-Conscious Rewards Program DR

1. Earn rewards at Copenhagen attractions ranging from a free lunch or a cup of coffee to a kayak tour or even a free entrance to a museum by participating in several sustainable activities, including biking or taking zero-emissions public transport instead of driving, or picking up litter

Gen-Ziest of the Week (CD)

1. Wired: The US Supreme Court Has Handed Big Tech a Big Gift DR

1. “This has been a bad couple of weeks for regulatory agencies, it’s been a bad couple of weeks for the rule of law, and it’s been really terrible for consumers,” says David Vladeck, a professor at Georgetown Law and former director of the Federal Trade Commission’s Consumer Protection Bureau.

2. Supreme Court ruled that enforcement decisions by the Securities and Exchange Commission in fraud cases should be litigated in court, a decision that could carry over to other agencies

3. voted to overturn a key precedent known as the Chevron doctrine, which emerged from the 1984 ruling on Chevron v. Natural Resources Defense Council. The doctrine gave federal agencies the power to interpret laws when rulemaking and ensured that lower courts deferred to them. Now, courts will get to decide how much deference to give regulators’ decisions

4. Latest [rulings] in a series of politically conservative judgments undermining what is often referred to as the “administrative state.”

5. RELEVANT: 

1. Meta, for example, filed a lawsuit against the FTC in 2023 over a proposal that would prevent the firm from profiting off data collected from minors, arguing that the FTC’s authority is “unconstitutional.” 

2. After the National Labor Relations Board in January accused the company of illegally firing eight workers for criticizing Musk in an internal letter, SpaceX filed a lawsuit alleging that the agency’s structure is unconstitutional

3. COULD OVERTURN: Federal Communications Commission’s ruling: Net neutrality, proponents argue, is an important consumer protection principle that ensures service providers can’t give some types of traffic (for example, their own streaming services) better treatment than others

1. Introduced under Obama, rolled back under Trump, reintroduced under Biden

6. NOT necessarily bad

1. Szoka emphasizes that while the decision to overturn Chevron is likely to create “confusion” in lower courts, it isn’t a death sentence for courts’ deference to regulators. Courts will now decide how much weight to give regulators’ decisions—that could be a little or a lot—and it’s possible that some of those cases will end up before the Supreme Court, further clarifying the new rules.

2. In the event of a second Trump administration, the recent changes may even end up being beneficial to progressives, Szoka points out. If the Trump administration packs agencies with leaders who are loyal to the president and carry out his agenda, Szoka says, “I think you have to ask, do you really want the courts deferring to those agencies?”

7. International pressure

1. “Tying the hands of administrative agencies may have the effect of ceding regulatory authority of fast-moving tech industries to the European Commission on issues like privacy, data portability, and digital platform access and interoperability,” she says. – Phillips-Sawyer

2. 7-Eleven AB

1. WSJ: 7-Eleven Is Using Japanese Strategies to Redefine Its Business — Again

1. 7/11 = US company went bankrupt 2x, bought by Ito Yokado (after 1990 bankruptcy)

2. US stores = attached to gas stations, larger

3. JP stores = based on sales data, demographic trends, even local weather forecasts → customized orders, regular supply flow

4. Revamping distribution system

2. Quartz: Japanese 7-Elevens are known for their snacks — and they're coming to the U.S.

1. The traditional model for American 7-Eleven stores has been focused around tobacco products and gasoline, but as both of those markets show downward trend lines, the chain is putting all of its eggs in the food basket

2. the future of the brand looks a lot more like the fresh food-heavy stores in Japan than the chips-and-soda stores in America

3. The Japan-based company is tearing down its entire network and rebuilding the supply chain from the ground up to support this food-shift. 

4. “7-Eleven is dead, long live 7-Eleven.”

3. Meme Stocks MM CD

1. WSJ/Barron’s: GameStop Stock Drops After CEO Posts on X. The Meme Roller Coaster Continues

1. GameStop stock was falling early Monday after the videogame retailer's CEO Ryan Cohen made his first post in months on social-media platform X. 

2. Cohen said the company is looking for mobile app developers in Dallas and that no college degree is necessary to apply

2. The Guardian: Chewy shares stage short-lived rally as filing reveals ‘Roaring Kitty’ takes stake

1. Shares of Chewy rose 15% premarket on Monday, before reversing sharply, after a filing showed Keith Gill, the stock influencer known as “Roaring Kitty”, had picked up a 6.6% stake in the pet products e-retailer.

2. RK posted an uncaptioned picture of a puppy on the social media platform X that briefly sent Chewy shares to a near one-year high on Thursday

3. Keith Gill owns 9m shares of Chewy, equating to a stake worth about $245m at the stock’s Friday closing price of $27.24. The stake would make Gill Chewy’s third-largest shareholder, according to LSEG data.

1. Roaring Kitty = top 5 posts of all time on Wall Street Bets Reddit page

1. AKA DeepFuckingValue

2. Inspired billboards in Times Square NYC 

4. “Pet humanization” is a key part of Chewy’s strategy, in which owners splurge on pets as they are considered a part of the family.

Assholiest of the Week (MM):

1. Data

1. 32 directors that have 66 collective board seats at 37 companies, nearly ALL of which have DEI targets or efforts DR

2. Headlines: Tractor Supply’s Customers Cheer as It Dumps ESG, Says Survey, Microsoft reportedly fires DEI team — becoming latest company to ditch ‘woke’ policy, John Deere Cuts 'Woke' Programs, Moves Jobs to Mexico

1. Here’s a smattering of hypocrites

1. At Tractor Supply, “Eliminate DEI roles and retire our current DEI goals while still ensuring a respectful environment” and “Withdraw our carbon emission goals and focus on our land and water conservation efforts”

1. Hal Lawton - Tractor Supply CEO, Sealed Air board

1. Sealed Air offers unconscious bias training, DEI committee, and focus on increasing diversity in leadership

2. Ricardo Cardenas - Tractor Supply, Darden Restaurants (Olive Garden, LongHorn Steakhouse, Ruth’s Chris, Cheddar’s Scratch Kitchen, Yard House, Capital Grille, Seasons 52, Bahama Breeze, Eddie V’s - a lot of unwoke steak in there)

1. At Darden, “We prioritize our inclusion and diversity efforts not just because it is the right thing to do – but because it makes us better.”

3. Joy Brown - Tractor Supply, Huron Consulting (she took McKinseys Academy Black Executive Leadership Program as a black tech exec)

1. At Huron, a program called iMatter that includes the Black Alliance, Disability Advocates, LatinX, Jewish groups, Pan-Asian group, Pride, Veterans Alliance, and Women Alliance

4. Andre Hawaux - Tractor Supply, Pultegroup, Lamb Weston

1. Pultegroup has a Diversity Board and policies

2. Lamb Weston commits to “We are committed to representation of women and diverse team members at every level of our organization” and offers DEI training

2. By the way: Black Farmers Not Happy After Tractor Supply Ditches DEI Efforts, They’re Calling For CEO To Step Down

2. Data

1. 77% vote FOR $45bn pay package AB CD

2. Headline: Elon Musk’s potential $180 million donation to Trump—who hates EVs—is a stunning risk to Tesla

1. Tesla is basically the only car company whose EV sales aren't rising in the U.S.

2. Trump's running mate J.D. Vance wants tax rebates for gas cars instead of EVs

3. Asshole: Every investor and enabler of this colossal asshole

1. Also, this made me laugh - Elon Musk mocks Microsoft over the global IT outage - all I could think was “giant wiper”

3. Data

1. 22% of voting power held by insiders, plus another 14% held by PE investor on the board - 36% makes it controlled

2. 61% of voting power held by one college dropout

3. Headlines: Microsoft and CrowdStrike Outage Cripples Flights, Banks, and Markets. Here’s the Latest.,Trump reinstated by Meta on Facebook, Instagram in effort to 'allow political expression'

1. Asshole: your outrage

2. Kurtz has 24% estimated market share of endpoint security

3. Mark has an estimate 75% of the social media market

4. Neither has a check or balance except their feelings

5. And by the way, MARK reinstated Trump, not “Meta”.  You misspelled it.

Headline-iest (ALL):

1. DR: Tesla factory manager tells workers to please, please stop stealing coffee mugs

1. Tesla plant manager Andre Thieri: "We've bought 65,000 coffee mugs since we started production here. 65,000! Statistically speaking, each of you already has five Ikea coffee cups at home." While the factory's 12,000 employees may be keen to take the cups home, Thierig assured that there would be no more cutlery in breakrooms until the mug thefts stopped. "I'm really tired of approving orders to buy more coffee cups," he said, which got some laughter and clapping from employees, according to DW's translation.

2. AB: Donald Trump is considering Jamie Dimon for Treasury Secretary after a 'lovefest' CEO meeting (?)

3. CD: Researchers Call for "Child-Safe AI" After Alexa Tells Little Girl to Stick Penny in Wall Socket

4. MM: NASA Praises Boeing's Stranded Starliner for Managing Not to Explode While Docked to Space Station

5. MM: The world’s top HR association cuts ‘equity’ from its diversity program amid DEI backlash

1. This is the most honest thing these companies can do - “sure, we’ll hire ANYONE, that’s not the problem - just don’t ask for as much money as white people!”... I love this headline

Who Won the Week?

1. DR: Either white silicon valley tech bro incel types or Miles Satterwhite

2. AB: 

3. MM: Literally no one.  Maybe Miles, who turned 1 yesterday?  

4. CD: 

Predictions

1. DR: Next week is better. Because it has to be? And Crowdstrike Chair Gerhard Watzinger is the sacrificial lamb

2. AB: DR is gonna travel to Copenhagen and get addicted to the free stuff and picking up litter that he won’t come back

3. MM: I’m predicting a FUTURE ASSHOLE!  Here’s your most likely next DEI killer - Corteva Agriscience, which currently has 9 DEI resource groups and goals of inclusions, but has BOTH Greg Page (Deere) AND Mike Johanns (Deere) on it - GET ‘EM BOYS

4. CD: