BIZ NUGGETS: Skrillex for Goldman CEO, Twitter goes down, "laughter padding", BP's pledge to stop pledging, Daniel Ek's fake public Spotify, and Nelson Peltz won

Biz Nuggets
Written By Matt Moscardi

LIVE from the Christian Family Network's Proxy Voting Guidelines & Trampoline Park, it’s the podcast CNBC called “Never heard of it,” featuring BS maestro Matt Moscardi and me, the guy who blinks sometimes. In today’s ESG-sanctioned Gravy Boat called February 9, 2023: biz nuggets!

DAMION1

  1. In our 'Frontrunners include Daft Punk, Skrillex, Grandmaster Flash, and Terminator X' headline of the week. A disappointing 2022 has led some Goldman Sachs partners to ask: Is it time for a change at the top?

  1. In our 'Like, um, we gave it to them so they could use the internet, like, but, we didn't know they'd use it for internetty things, like, um, we just assumed like they were using cannonballs and, um, like, wooden bats' headline of the week. SpaceX never intended Starlink internet to be 'weaponized' in Ukraine, says COO

 

  1. In our 'The early working title is called "Another Stupid Book Written By An Asshole CEO Except This Stupid Book Is Written By An Asshole CEO Who Said Books Are Stupid"' headline of the week. Sam Bankman-Fried — who once said every book should be a '6-paragraph blog post' — says he's written over 1,000 pages about FTX's collapse while under house arrest

 

  1. In our 'ON THE TRAIN!!' headline of the week. This is the best place to be sitting if your plane is about to crash

    1. Back of the plane, middle seat: 28% – one in five passengers;

    2. Back of the plane, aisle seat: 32% — about one in three.

    3. Front of the plane: 38% — about one in 2.5 passengers.

    4. Middle of the plane, middle seat: 39% — about one in 2.5 passengers.

    5. Middle of the plane, aisle seat: 44% — just under one in two.

 

  1. In our 'Finally some good news out of a Social Media company' headline of the week. Twitter suffers 'massive outage' leaving users unable to tweet, message and more

 

  1. In our 'Why do these people hate Business Pants so much!?' headline of the week. Maybe you should stop giggling at work: ‘Laughter padding’ is undermining your input and could be making your colleagues uncomfortable

 

  1. In our 'Why does Dave keep shining Mark’s cereal bowl?' headline of the week. Zuckerberg to managers: Don’t just manage, also code and contribute or else resign



MATT1

DAMION2

  1. In our 'Hey ma, I was just talking to the incredible people at Free Float... Yeah, that's right! They make Board Sabermetrics. And they told me that when they say Spotify they really mean Daniel Ek because he controls 35% of the company's total voting power and is the founder, CEO, and Chair... so I guess this headline is really trying to say Daniel Ek is Silent On Latest Controversy. Tell Dad!' headline of the week. Joe Rogan Draws Backlash For Antisemitic Comments—Spotify Silent On Latest Controversy From Its Biggest Podcaster

  1. In our 'Nothing makes a whiny billionaire happier than firing 7,000 employees; Strive Asset Management already preparing a press release to take credit' headline of the week. Nelson Peltz Abandons Proxy Fight With Disney

  1. In our 'Hey Ma, Vivek says this doesn't sound like excellence and is a blatant misuse of shareholder capital and is going to vote against all McDonald's directors named Amy, Jennifer, Margaret, and Catherine! Tell Dad to tell Aunt Jennifer not to buy that new briefcase! ' headline of the week. McDonald's has signed an agreement with the UK human rights watchdog to protect staff, as one former worker says sexual harassment left her 'terrified'        

  1. In our 'China! China! China! Larry Fink! Fauci! Hunter Biden's laptop! China!' headline of the week. Bill Gates, Who Owns 4 Private Jets, Defends Flying Private: "I'm Part of the Solution"

 

  1. In our 'I don't really have a joke here. I just want to make fun of Adam Neumann. But seriously, are there people who don't plunge their own toilets? Am I the only person who would be embarrassed to call my landlord after a 3am Taco Bell run?' headline of the week. WeWork cofounder Adam Neumann suggests tenants in his apartments will plunge their own clogged toilets because they'll feel like owners

    1. Also, Adam Neumann talked about Flow for a full hour, and we still don’t know what it is

 

  1. In our 'CEO of Porsche says a night at a Tallahassee Hilton was the dumbest room I ever booked: 'The scrambled eggs smelled like Charlie Munger's comb-over' headline of the week. CEO of Hilton says a Porsche was the dumbest thing he ever bought: 'I spent all my money on that stupid car'


In our 'MSCI declares Free Float the greatest ESG analytics/media company in the world. Or something like that...' headline of the week. Adani Stock Rout Resumes as MSCI Says It’s Reviewing Free Float

Matt Moscardi
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