2022 PREDICTION REVIEW: ESG culture wars? Bobby Kotick lawsuits? Chipotle labor fight? Metadiapers? Yeah, we called it
LIVE from the What’s This White Stuff Falling From the Skies Studios, it’s Part 1 of our very unnecessary 2-part 2023 Predictions Extravaganza, featuring Matt Moscardi, Lord of Board Sabermetrics, Lord Scallion: Jessie “The Money Whisperer”, and me, the Duke of Norwich
In today’s crawdad-soaked bag called January 12, 2023: PREDICTIONS!
MATT1: LAST YEAR’S PREDICTION-GANZA
Damion:
Predicted: Zuck steps down and passes the baton to Fidji Simo
Actual: Zuck created Metahell and Fidji became CEO of Instacart
Predicted: Business Roundtable re-redefines the purpose of a corporation with zero solutions, warning the metaverse is a mess and CEOs can’t hide behind purpose or dressed-up ESG scores
Actual: The Business Roundtable retreated into capitalism in the wake of wokelashing
Predicted: The culture wars replace the virus wars as states ban “left” corporation from operating in state lines
Actual: THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED
Predicted: Bloomberg launches an ESG Ratings product emphasizing “E” after hitjobs on MSCI
Actual: Continued MSCI hitjobs
Predicted: A major firm sells its shares completely to employee ESOP
Actual: Patagonia sold itself entirely to the environment
Predicted: the release of the Metadiaper
Actual: The release of the Meta Quest Pro, a headset that makes you want to take a dump
Predicted: The first metaverse death
Actual: Zuck programmed legs for himself
Ari:
Predicted: Coke sells alcohol
Actual: They already did, but they do more now
Predicted: Bumble, Coke, Spotify become major Metaverse players
Actual: Mark Zuckerberg programmed himself legs
Predicted: BOMBAS IPOs
Actual: They DID consider it, then didn’t do it
Predicted: The death of the shapewear industry
Actual: Shapewear grew 6% YoY and now “won’t roll down”, ostensibly into your unshapelyness
Predicted: Kyle gets a girlfriend
Actual: KYLE GOT A GIRLFRIEND
Matt:
Predicted: Board lawsuits become normal
Actual: New Delaware law makes holding boards accountable harder
Predicted: We launch a product
Actual: WE LAUNCHED A PRODUCT
Predicted: The metaverse becomes militarized
Actual: Mark Zuckerberg programmed himself legs
Predicted: The rise of the “angry white zombie” director - white male directors who refuse to leave due to a push for diversity
Actual: Egon Durban stayed on the Twitter board after being voted out, but mostly to make sure he got paid by Elon Musk
Predicted: Blackrock becomes an ESG antihero, institutions don’t take up voting choice
Actual: Blackrock is… an… antihero?
Predicted: Gregg Goff takes over as CEO of Exxon
Actual: Gregg Goff is BFF with Darren Woods, the CEO of Exxon
Predicted: Theranos verdict abdicates investor need for due diligence
Actual: FTX proves investors do no due diligence
Predicted: Robinhood memes turn to proxy voting
Actual: Robinhood memes lost all their money
Predicted: The metaverse launches a metamegachurch for metaJesus
Actual: Mark Zuckerberg programmed himself legs
DAMION1: IN SHOW PREDICTIONS
A bunch of NOs:
AB: AMAZON RACIAL EQUITY FINDINGS PUBLISHED CHRISTMAS 2022
AB: Bengals win
MM: Howard Shultz is fired by Q4
Not fired but transitioned
MM: Elon joins the board of Twitter
AB: “I Never have predictions.”
Lies
DR: Bobby Kotick steps down before July 4th
Still no merger
MM: Someone will be murdered in the metaverse before the year is out
DR: A prominent female CEO is fired: Mary Barra?
AB: Google will announce civil rights audit
DR: SBUX becomes first S&P 500 company with black women in charge (CEO & Chair)
Nope: Laxman Narasimhan
AB: Hulu disappears
AB: EH 5 yr sentence
11 years
AB: Elon Musk buys Suns
DR: Disney makes major Diversity hire as ESG pittance for Don’t Say Gay problems
Does bob iger count?
Could still happen
DR: Charlie Munger dies 2 days after the CDC announces the official end of the pandemic
MM: MetaWar
DR: Matt moves to Florida; Gifts home to Ari
AB: Matt will get covid again
ED: Matt consults for Disney
DR: DJ D-Sol releases a song about increasing background checks for gun purchases.
ED: Elon is going to hire Stuart Kirk as the CEO of Twitter
ED: Emma is going to commit an unforgivable act against Brett Kavanaugh.
DR: Elon going to step down as CEO at Tesla. Maybe so he can focus more on Twitter, maybe so he can pretend to focus more on SpaceX, but likely because there are just too many problems at Tesla amd a competitive EV landscape is just becoming too much of a big bummer
DR: Elon’s step-daughter/sister/whatever becomes Vice Chair of SpaceX
DR: the mainstream media starts to copy us and refers to people like zuck as corporate dictators
MM: Google next proxy has each director’s favorite emission using their internal calculator
DR: Dilbert forms a union to fight its pro-ESG management
MM: Tesla gets an activist investor
MM: SBF, Adam Neumann, and Elon Musk join forces on the mega app
JS: Pepsi stops targeting ads to children, as female leadership (and emotional intelligence) grows
DR: Bald Bob Becomes a Big Bald Gay Bob Icon By…. 2023
Major fail, BUT he is the takedown of an anti-woke movement so MAYBE??
MM: Elon Musk buying Twitter is the beginning of the end of Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act - the part that says social media companies aren’t responsible for the content on their platforms
Almost?
DR: massive covid outbreak hits cruise ship in august, preparing us for an uncertain start of school season
Yes, there was one! But nope, nobody cares
DR: After SBF is sent to prison Larry Fink officially steals his acronym and rebrands it Super Badass Fink
MM: Wells Fargo: Shaq on board to combat racism
Nope: but they DID appoint black female director Felicia F. Norwood
Yups
DR: The media coverage of Pi day will far outpace that of International Women’s Day
AB: Twitter harassment scandal
Yes: Twitter everything scandal
DR: Stock trading ban much ado about nothing
MM: Stakeholder lawsuit against Bobby
Yup: including NYC Pensions in May
DR: A company yells loudly about Abortion Rights next week in a meaningful way (Emma says Bumble)
Bumble is actively involved in pro-choice politics
MM: More guns
AB: Chipotle is the next Starbucks with union fighting efforts
Yes, basically: shut down location in Maine
DR: The NFL severely punishes QB Deshaun Watson because it’s easier (and arguably more fun if you’re pandering to an anti-woke audience) to target a black player than a white owner (Dan Snyder)
AB: BLAKE MASTERS WILL LOSE
DR: Elon Musk accidentally lays off himself
Yes, Twitter poll
AB: More deer will die.
MM: Twitter board says “YES” because half of them are in the bag
Guests
DR: Based on his appearance on today’s show, Bruce Kahn is promoted from Executive DIrector at MSCI to Double Brisket Executive Candied-Bacon Director at MSCI with a 55% reduction in base pay.
Don’t think so, but i’m waiting for a call back from CEO Henry Fernandez
DR: Emily Chew gets promoted based on today’s edition of the Good Game
Did she?
AB: Anuj will never talk to us again
Has he?
DR: We make fun of Vivek’s anti-ESG crusade enough that he notices us in his Google News alert but ignores us because we’re having too much fun while he’s trying to save the world from saving the world
MM: Hurricane Ian drives investment in Strive’s DRLL Energy fund because it’s 6% invested in renewable energy
maybe?
Probably didn’t happen but don’t care because I like it:
ED: Dan Snyder actually has 15 wives and he handed over control of The Commanders to his favorite sister-wife
ED: The pizza robot will become sentient and declare war with Italy
ED: Joe Rogan is going to become an ESG advisor
MM: Disney GayScrub
MM: Dominos moves to all metal boxes to avoid further recycling controversy
And finally
This is just mean:
DR: I will give my shares in Free Float entirely to the rest of the team and quit when I realize how, apparently, there is no need for me anymore given shows went out every day!
And my favorite prediction of the year:
AB: Hot dog prices go up
No, but i like it
